


Fictober #21 Impressive, truly

by Danae_krd



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Chakotay is so much in love, F/M, Fictober 2018, Fluff and Angst, He wants to win Kathryn back, Internal Monologue, Post-Canon, Post-Endgame, Prompt Fic, Sad with a Happy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-21
Updated: 2018-10-21
Packaged: 2019-08-05 10:29:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16366175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Danae_krd/pseuds/Danae_krd
Summary: My response to the Fictober prompt #21 ''Impressive, truly''Seven and Chakotay break up soon after they return to Earth. Chakotay comes to his senses.For angrywarrior69 who asked for this prompt - with all my love.Unbeta'd as usual.





	Fictober #21 Impressive, truly

**Author's Note:**

  * For [angrywarrior69](https://archiveofourown.org/users/angrywarrior69/gifts).



I never thought that I’d ever fall for another woman.

I couldn’t even imagine myself flirting with another woman, spending most of my day with her and not you, enjoying her company, discussing with her all the things that under other circumstances I’d discuss with you. How things change…

Impressive, truly.

When I fell in love with you, all these years ago, I thought I found the love of my life – and maybe I did. It’s just… many things happened in the meantime. I changed. We both changed and somewhere along the way we lost each other.

Nothing ever happened between us, Kathryn. Not even a kiss. Then, why did I feel like betraying you when I started dating Seven? Why couldn’t I get you off my mind even when I had just a great time with her?

Maybe because I lied to myself, convinced that we could be just good friends. Maybe because I pretended that I didn’t notice your hurt expression when you saw me standing next to her on the bridge.

Maybe because I still cannot admit to myself that I was a fool to let you go. I should have tried more, Kathryn.

Seven left me two days ago.  It’s probably for the best. She’d like to expand her horizons now that we’re on Earth and I couldn’t agree more with her. I’d never try to stop her from knowing herself better. That would be so wrong of me.

You always have this way of helping me open up to you. If you were here now you’d want to know how I feel and I’d be honest with you. Yes, she left me but I don’t care at all about it, Kathryn. Don’t misunderstand me. I want her to be okay and I hope she finds what she’s looking for. I just realized that we never really fell in love with each other and it wouldn’t have worked out between us anyway. None of this would have happened if she wasn’t so young and I wasn’t so lonely. Maybe things would have been different between Seven and me if we had stayed in the Delta Quadrant but it doesn’t matter anymore.  We’re on Earth now because _you_ got us back. That’s all that matters.

She’s a fine woman and you did a great job with her. She’s so different than you and yet you share some certain traits.

Seven really loves you, Kathryn. She never wanted to hurt you.

_I never wanted to hurt you._

No, she never reminded me of you and my affair with her had nothing to do with my feelings for you. For some reason I couldn’t quite define at the moment, I really tried to protect my feelings from everyone and I never exposed them.

Now I know that I acted like that because I never got over you. What a mess, right? I know that you never expected me to behave like this.

Can you forgive me, Kathryn?

It annoys the hell out of me that things could have been different if we hadn’t become so distant, if I hadn’t been so stupid, if I had just…tried more.

I want to try one more time. One last time. It can be different now. I am not your first officer anymore and you’re not my captain. We’re not struggling anymore…

I want to believe that this is our time and we can finally be happy.

I will come to find you. It’s not too late for us and I know that you’ll be able to see it too. It feels wrong to be without you.  Something is missing and I’m just… not myself without you.

I still love you, Kathryn. Yes, after all these years – besides everything that happened.

It’s okay if you’re broken like me because there is nothing we cannot fix together.

And that’s not just impressive. That’s also the only thing that still makes sense in my life.


End file.
